Relationship Rules #3
- Never underestimate the power of good grooming.
- Sex
is good. Pillow talk is better. Sex is easy, intimacy is difficult. It
requires honesty, openness, self-disclosure, confiding concerns, fears,
sadnesses as well as hopes and dreams.
- Never go to sleep angry. Try a little tenderness.
- Apologize, apologize, apologize. Anyone can make a mistake. Repair
attempts are crucial—highly predictive of marital happiness. They can be
clumsy or funny, even sarcastic—but willingness to make up after an
argument is central to every happy marriage.
- Some
dependency is good, but complete dependency on a partner for all one's
needs is an invitation to unhappiness for both partners. We're all
dependent to a degree—on friends, mentors, spouses. This is true of men
as well as women.
- Maintain self-respect and self-esteem.
It's easier for someone to like you and to be around you when you like
yourself. Research has shown that the more roles people fill, the more
sources of self-esteem they have. Meaningful work—paid or volunteer—has
long been one of the most important ways to exercise and fortify a sense
of self.
- Enrich your relationship by bringing into it new
interests from outside the relationship. The more passions in life that
you have and share, the richer your relationship will be. It is
unrealistic to expect one person to meet all of your needs in life.
- Cooperate,
cooperate, cooperate. Share responsibilities. Relationships work ONLY
when they are two-way streets, with much give and take.
- Stay open to spontaneity.
- Maintain your energy. Stay healthy.
- Recognize
that all relationships have their ups and downs and do not ride at a
continuous high all the time. Working together through the hard times
will make the relationship stronger.
- Make good sense of a bad
relationship by examining it as a reflection of your beliefs about
yourself. Don't just run away from a bad relationship; you'll only
repeat it with the next partner. Use it as a mirror to look at yourself,
to understand what in you is creating this relationship. Change
yourself before you change your relationship.
- Understand that
love is not an absolute, not a limited commodity that you're in of or
out of. It's a feeling that ebbs and flows depending on how you treat
each other. If you learn new ways to interact, the feelings can come
flowing back, often stronger than before.
